and john… so much, but this is about the girls…
I never imagined I would have kids before I turned 30, i couldn’t even fathom the thought of caring for another life, and making sacrifices… oh the sacrifices. Here I am, 29, with two healthy and beautiful girls, and willingly making a whole lot of sacrifices and being totally ok with it…99.9% of days. I will admit, the kicking, screaming child in me comes out here and there, BUT really, I’m ok and it is SO worth it.
Having one child scares you, the unknown of what lies ahead will drive you mad (it did with me anyways) and then you hold them, and you’re like, “oh my gosh, how did I ever live without you”. I felt this way about elle. I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant….terrified. Most days I felt like I never had it together enough to care for another life, and then you realize, you don’t need to have it totally together, and it doesn’t need to be perfect. We welcomed elle, and that little girl has changed our lives. She is so sweet and caring, and not to mention smart… oh my goodness... so smart. not just memorizing ABC’s and 123 smart, but her intuition and self-awareness is truly amazing. She has an phenomenal imagination and those big brown eyes keeps me on my best behavior, every day.
And then there is eve. Oh eve. I call her my little angel baby – her smile is heaven sent. The scary feelings returned, but didn’t last nearly as long. I was definitely ready for her when the time came. I could hardly wait to hold another sweet baby. Thinking about elle no longer being an only child made me sad.. I was scared I would fail her as a mom and so worried about whether or not she would ever feel left out. and again, voila… all worries out the window because you get so caught up in the “what if’s”, I forgot about the beauty of siblings... of family...
Seeing these two together makes my heart happy. Happy that we have them, happy that they have each other. Elle is 2 ½, and Eve will be 6 months (6 MONTHS) in a few short days, and I am aware that they will drive me insane, but for now I choose to look at all the positives. I’d like to think that elle will always be concerned about the well-being of her little sister. A morning never passes when elle’s first words are, “where’s eve?”. She helps pick out her clothes for the day, pajama’s for night, and is convinced that eve NEEDS to have elmo on her diaper, and will dig through the pile until she finds him. And, if it weren’t for elle, eve might not have such a smooth tushy, because that girls brings me the “butt sunscreen” every diaper change and reminds me to put it on.
As the months have gone on, elle and eve have slowly started interacting. In fact, eve’s first true big googly eyed smile was at her sister. Every night at bath time (after the initials screams of the first bath disappeared) eve stared at elle, the entire time. I didn’t even exist. It was like she knew that, “this girl is sorta my size, and she’s probably going to try to take care of me one day” (because that’s what the oldest child tends to do – take care of their siblings, whether they like it or not). I’m excited to watch these two grow, together. I hope they become friends one day...best friends. A mother’s dream, right? I take a lot of pictures of them interacting, hopefully to use them as a reminder, that this is your family, and they are important. However, if the theory of “birth order” is true, we all have struggles ahead, especially if we add to the clan. In the meantime, I will indulge in their sweet innocence and try not to lose my mind during the days of bickering over toys & clothes.
Awe that was so sweet!
ReplyDelete